Wellness Wednesday - I am a Fraud

Hello my name is Jen and I am a Fraud!

I may look like I have it all put together but I don’t and let me tell you every day can be a struggle! Most days I feel like I am just going through the motions and struggling to keep it all together! This post makes me very nervous and exposes my insecurities… I don’t like that part of myself and I don’t like admitting I have insecurities… I have experienced a lot of guilt about many things after becoming a mom, in fact admitting that I have insecurities makes me feel like a big fat failure! I hope you can learn something from my struggles and maybe you will see a little bit of yourself in me….

Trying to find that perfect balance being a working mom is tough! Most of the time I just feel I am failing at both…When I am at work all I am thinking about is my daughter and ways I can stay home with her and manage on one income… maybe I can work from home on my blog… but my blog is just a hobby and I am not monetizing it… maybe I can start a daycare or be a tutor or do some sort of sales from home… every option seems overwhelming and exhausting at the same time. If I am not fantasizing about staying at home I am reduced to tears for making silly errors at work or not pushing myself further in my job. Or I am beating myself up for not making a career move to actually find a job using my Teaching degree, which has been collecting dust for more years then I care to admit… why, because change is scary and hard and it’s so much easier to keep doing what I am doing and just keep trucking along!

When I am at home with my daughter all I can think about is how I am failing her and not being the best mom because on the weekend I let her eat 2 day old pizza or French fries because I am too drained to think about making a special meal for her, that she won’t eat anyways. Or choosing to do a load of laundry, because I can’t seem to find the motivation to get myself dress and look “presentable” for an outing at the park or mall. Or continuing to co-sleep and breastfeed because I need to get some sleep before I start another day at work. Or witnessing other mothers with multiple kids do all of this effortlessly and yet I still can’t manage to take a shower or go to the washroom alone….

Does any of this sound familiar to you? This fraud mentality is all BS…. these thoughts are like a broken cassette tape (yes I am aging myself here) in my head... all of these thoughts are lies I tell myself every day, lies that you probably tell yourself from time to time…YOU are not a fraud…YOU are not a failure…YOU are amazing and doing a great job! Don’t ever let anyone else tell you different!

You may struggle and “fail” from time to time but you get up and keep on going no matter what, don’t you?! You are strong and you can do this!

We see too many stories in the media about the perfect moms who have it all… the perfect career, the perfect relationship, the perfect body. Everyone seems to be doing it better than me… what have they figured out that I haven’t yet??… We all have enough pressure that is self-inflicted every day without the external pressures we see on Social media… but you know what I bet they are struggling too, struggling to have a “perfect” balance. We are not alone!

“Failing” at your job sucks but you can usually push through all of that stuff and fix whatever problem you are having. But "failing" at the mom stuff is incredibly hard because after all being a mom is kinda our job….right?! It’s part of our biology… but just when you figure it out it all changes again and again and again! The mommy guilt never completely goes away no matter how hard you try. There will always be someone doing it better or someone telling you you’re doing something wrong!

We have to remember that we are good moms, we are doing the best we can for our families, we are making a difference in our children’s lives and they will be better because we are there!

I love my daughter more then anything and I need to get over the perfect Mom mentality, stop trying to be perfect for everyone and realize I am perfect for her, I am trying to “not to sweat the small stuff”, enjoy the little moments, plan more “fun” days because all that matters is that little face and seeing the world through her eyes. It’s my job to make her world the most positive experience she can have while raising her to be able to thrive in this crazy world. She is growing up before my eyes, it’s amazing how her two years on this planet has passed so quickly and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon!

I definitely don’t have all the answers and I still, especially after writing this, feel like a failure in most aspects of my life but a few things remains the same, I love my little girl with everything I have and she loves me, I am a good mother and wife (although people are quick to point out the things I may be doing wrong), I am a good friend, daughter and sister (although I might be absent from their lives more than I am present), I am good at my job (although there are still people better and further in their careers than me).

Whatever struggles I come across in life I will manage them, just like you…. I am enough and so are you. Before you judge another mother for what she is or isn’t doing try to put yourself in her shoes and remember your own struggles!

What are your thoughts about being a working mom? What are your insecurities? I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject?

Simply Truly Jenny...